It happens to everyone. There are days we don’t feel as cheerful and positive as usual. Sometimes we feel disappointed or sad because something has happened or not happened in the way we hoped for. We may have missed an opportunity or made a mistake. Someone may have hurt our feelings, or we regret certain things we did or said. No matter how successful, healthy, wealthy or having it all together you may be, there are not-so-sunny days in life. But the thing is, sometimes we don’t want to talk about that because we worry what people may think of us, or we don’t want even to let people know. This blog and what I have included in the podcast is about how do we handle such times so that we can move through them more manageable and wiser. And trust me, it happens to everyone, and so you are never alone in this situation, which is essentially part of life.
However, what I refer to here is not about chronic or clinical depression, it is indeed a different and more serious scenario, and I am not offering medical advice here and properly treatment may be needed in that case.
What I have observed and experienced in myself and others are situations where our emotions are affected by our thoughts or mindset, and as a result, we feel down or unmotivated in what we usually do.
Often such feelings we experienced is triggered by an external event, like what I have mentioned above. In many cases, it is about something we want to happen, but it didn’t happen, or we don’t know when it will or if it will at all. It may be about finding a romantic and lasting relationship, or getting a job that we love, or succeeding in our business and financial goals, or it can be about improving our health. There are a few things that I like to remind myself and others when I hear about this type of scenarios:
Not everything is as it seems
Sometimes the fact that you don’t get that job or lover is actually better for you, perhaps even a blessing in disguise. We may even know it in our hearts, but sometimes the face value sounds so good that our conscious mind may say, it is a pity we didn’t get that. But is it really?
I believe the universe always has your back. So if it is not for you, then it is because the universe has another plan, a better one or you.
It can also be the case of “not now, maybe later“. There may be a lesson for you to learn, a skill to master, an area to grow. But until then, it will not be the best for you to handle what is that you actually want. You are not yet ready to reap the full benefits. I can attest to this wholeheartedly. I know for sure if I have met my husband earlier in my life, it would not have happened. I wasn’t as mature to recognise his qualities, and I don’t think I would have been a suitable partner for him. In any case, trust the universe and be more open about other possibilities. When we are not fixated on a particular outcome, we will realise we can actually get more than we bargained for!
How you react or response is always your choice
Now let’s say our negative emotions are triggered by someone who disappointed or angered us in some ways.
Sometimes we let the emotions get the better of us, and we reacted immediately and not necessarily appropriate. We may feel we absolutely need to say something or send that email or SMS right the way. With today’s technology and power of social media, we can do that in an instant. But later on, we may regret what we said, or realise we misinterpreted it, or overreacted because we were triggered by something else.
That is called the lack of impulse control. Partly it is about not having a regular zen or mindfulness practice. If we meditate in the morning, even for 5 mins, we set ourselves up for a calmer and clear mind. Or if we just breathe properly instead of running around multi-tasking, that will help too.
There are times that we need to respond, as there is something to say or to act accordingly. It is important to think it through and so we can chose our words and actions wisely and more effectively. When we are hot headed, it is a lot harder to do that!
Last but not least, it is about becoming more mature and learns how to pause when we are triggered. Being still is often harder than being active. So again, yoga, meditation and mindfulness practices can help us tremendously to get still and quiet our minds.
Lighten Up or Deeper Reflection
There are situations where we just need to lighten up and take it easy, and the dark cloud on our mind will start to dissipate. Take a nap, watch a funny video or go for a walk. All these changes of scenery can help, which are not hard to do.
However, there are times when deeper reflection is warranted, and that is the reason we feel heavy or down in the first place. Something needs to surface from our subconscious to our conscious mind, or we are very aware of what is the cause of such feelings, but we are unable to untangle them. We may need time to work through those feelings and issues underneath, but after some time has passed but we still feel we are out of our depth, I usually ofter 2 advice.
First one is to pray. Never underestimate the power of the universe, God, source energy, whichever term that you feel comfortable with. What I am referring to is the divine intelligence that is greater than what we humans can do. It is about to surrender and let the universe show you the next step or information. Let it go, let it be.
Second advice I have is to speak to someone you can trust, whom you know can offer you a different perspective or words of wisdom. It may be a professional counsellor or coach or spiritual teacher, your heart knows which one resonates with your situation.
The level of thinking that cause us the problem is usually different from the level of thinking that make us solve that problem. So we need to change gear! Help is there available, but free will prevail, we need to ask or make a phone call!
Jumping the emotion scale is not going to work
What I know for sure is that when someone is deeply saddened, it is too hard to move from there to be positive or happy right the way. We need to move one step at a time. Perhaps anger is the next step or annoyance. After that may be numbness or even distraction. We do things to take our minds off, ease up, or take a break. When we do that, our emotions start to move and change. Once we get to a hopeful place, which a pivotal point, the idea to become happy and optimistic is totally reachable.
Sometimes thoughts in our head are just thoughts, they may not even be true, and so there is no need to invest too much emotion and energy into thoughts that don’t serve us well.
Our thoughts compound with emotions become our feelings. And all these can change too, so we don’t have to fixate in a state. When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.
In the podcast, I mentioned two new events are coming up. One is my Feminine Spirit Masterclass in celebration of International Women’s Day, hosted by Perfect Potion in Brisbane on March 9th.
The second one is the Goddess with Many Faces Masterclass with special guest, founder of Perfect Potion, Salvatore Battaglia in Sydney on the 30th March. You can find the event details below: