83. You are enough. Stop trying to be perfect

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Have you ever caught yourself saying in your mind “I am not good enough” or “I am just not _____ enough”? You can fill in the blank with any word. It doesn’t really matter what you put in. The effect is the same. This type of thoughts come into mind more often than we care to admit. The problem is, this thought does not move us forward but only to let us stay stuck, play small or swallow the feeling of failure.

Recently I had a phone call with a friend who was feeling depleted. And as we dived into the conversation, I realized this: She has been taking on the role of a successful entrepreneur, super mum, amazing wife, loving daughter and an awesome friend. On top of all this, she also wants to find more time to exercise, do yoga, meditate, journal, look after her appearance, change wardrobe, declutter the house, tidy up her home office, etc. As you can imagine, the list goes on and on. Finally, we both started to laugh. She is not alone on this. I have a very similar “Wish-To-Do” list, and I am pretty sure many women out there feel the same.

We have been trying to do it all for so long. We have been constantly trying to improve our personal and professional life, plus looking after everyone in our family. No wonder we are exhausted.

When do we say enough is enough? 

Sometimes it is unconscious, other times we are consciously putting pressure on our shoulder to do it all, and do it perfectly.

Perfectionism and Burnout

No doubt, I am writing from the perspective of a woman. Since women now have more opportunities to have a career compare than say 100 years ago, we simply have added on the roles and responsibilities. Many women I know are working full time and it is not that we have shred much of the care and responsibilities as a wife or mother or carer. Yes, we may have more help in some ways, from childcare facilities to already prepared meals delivered to our homes. But the norm is we just do it and unless it is absolutely necessary or justified, we don’t ask for help.

Women are conditioned and primed to want to be perfect in our modern society. This applies to our capabilities to serve and abilities to give, and also the way we look after ourselves. Just look around you, the advertising billboards, magazines, TV commercials and especially on social media. 

When you browse through Instagram for instance, you will notice women look beautifully put together, often they are smiling or standing at someplace incredible or celebrating something worth celebrating.  No one takes out their camera to take a photo of themselves when they are feeling down or looking awful. Perhaps only a very small percentage of comedians would do that to illustrate a point. We are surrounded by an artificial image of women out there at their best moments, and as a result, we are prompted to become the perfect mother, daughter, wife or friend.

Sometimes we get lost along the way. We feel inadequate, vulnerable or downright like a failure. Besides that, many of us don’t want to “border” others or make them worried, and so we don’t even want to talk about those feelings or get in touch with what those feelings really represent.

So, we just keep marching on, improving and perfecting ourselves, until we hit a point of exhaustion or burnout.

Lately, I have been doing some research for my new book’s title and cover designs. As I browsed on Amazon to look for books in my genre in personal transformation, motivation and women’s health. Something unexpected hit me. 

There are many self-help books out there for women on making great money, having wonderful relationships, eating healthy, feeling confident, getting fit and looking amazing at any age. In fact, some books even cover all these areas all in one. So after 30 mins of browsing, I actually feel rather tied and clouded by this invisible and overwhelming feeling that the ultimate goal for us is to be perfect.

Don’t get me wrong, I love self-help and personal empowerment books, they have helped me tremendously in my life. But at the same time, it is easy for us to feel we have to succeed in everything, and there is always more to achieve and accomplish.

It is important to make peace with where we are, and if we intend to improve further, we can certainly do so, but it’s better to do it with a sense of love and appreciation of where we are right now.

Imperfection can be a gift

Not being where we want to be can give us the contrast and desire to go forth, and so it can be a good thing if we get excited to do that. But if we beat ourselves up and drag us down to the road of “ I am not enough”, not only it has an opposite effect to delay us from moving forward, with such attitude, the journey will not be fun and we may not even get to our destination altogether.

So let’s remind ourselves, life is constantly a work in progress.

If we have known better, we would have done better.

If we have had more resources, we would have given more.

We do the best we can with what we’ve got. Not many things in life have the “overdraft” facility. We simply cannot give what we don’t have. Be it energy, money, time, kindness or compassion.

We can always do more, be more but if we don’t know how to be in the present moment, experience the feeling of appreciation right here, right now, then life is just an ever ending race. 

When we know we have done our best, give what we can, with our heart in the right place. It is enough. You are enough.

Becoming a Goddess

Instead of trying to be perfect, I would much prefer to be a goddess.

I have been reading, writing and speaking about goddess for a few years, and for some people, the word “goddess” may feel mystical, airy-fairy or witchy-woo like. But for me, it is the embodiment of all the essences of the empowered women we want to become. 

A goddess is a woman who knows how to stay present, experience joy and love. She lives from the centre of her feminine power and wisdom. A goddess knows how to nourish her body instead of exhausting it. She nurtures herself and others with a sense of grace and ease. She doesn’t rush or push, she follows the flow, not fights the current. A goddess embraces her creativity, receptivity and productivity. She is sensual, brave and unafraid to feel her emotions. She honours her spirit by pursuing her dreams and desires. She is content and fulfilled because she is at peace with where she is and at the same time, eager for more.

Here is the thing: A goddess is never perfect, in fact, in all the goddess myths I read, they all have their own light and shadow aspects. They have made mistakes or experienced challenges. Their journey symbolizes the transformation and hence lessons to share. No goddess is perfect in their myths.

Perfection is just an illusion.

That’s what being a real woman is all about. What truly matters is that we want to become the truest, fullest and happiest expression of ourselves. When we adopt this approach of living through our feminine wisdom and harness our feminine power, we become a goddess in our life. You will care less about being perfect, but more about being the real you and live a more authentic and meaningful life. And that will always be, more than enough.

Discover Your Goddess Archetypes

If you would like to find out more about your goddess archetype, see which one is most active in you, then come and take our FREE online quiz! You can also purchase my book Goddess with Many Faces there.

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